TO BE AND NOT TO BE

20 “I ask … also on behalf of those who will believe in me …,(21) that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us…”. John 17: 20-26

I listen to the discord of Mozart’s String Quartet No. 19 in C, K. 465,

I am overcome by the struggle I feel.

I hear the Beatles Revolution 9 and it evokes confusion in me.

Both at their core are my search for peace to balance the conflicting forces of my life.

The Buddhists say all life is suffering.

I suffer;

in my struggles with the unresolved, incompatible chords of successes and failures; lack of courage to come out, disdain for my cowardice that keeps me locked in,

To be or not to be me.

Success is not trusted, the prologue feels forever my epilogue; will I ever be me?

I am committed to Christ. I try to love everyone, yet I can’t accept me. I lose my way;  disharmonious wounds slay my spirit.

The Buddhists seek enlightenment contemplating, “who was I before I was in my mother’s womb”?

I sit and meditate.

Life stands still in the flickering moments of rest between its cacophonous sounds. In the silence between notes, the oneness with the God spirit is known.

The miracle of God’s peace is not in the absence of discord but in the midst of it. Peace that is sufficient. Peace that is everlasting.

In between the conflicts of to be and not to be, God in me conforms outward disharmony to inner harmony, and in the same life enduring moment I experience how to be and not be.

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