Several years ago, Senator Ted Kennedy’s presidential campaign was excoriated by his critics when he seemed unable to give a cogent response to the question, why did he want to be President? I am by no means attempting to equate the importance of writing my first blog with that of a presidential campaign. But, as I sifted through the choice of topics about which I am passionate, that was the question I kept asking in trying to make my decision. Several issues were attractive to me, but my conclusion was that the most honest place to begin was, ‘why’.
I was born to write. It’s one of the few endeavors that I am truly passionate about. It feels honorable; a God given talent that I am exercising hopefully for the good. My earliest memories are filled with the joy of writing and thoughts of stories to write have always lived in my head.
My life has been a failure because I have not written. My professional life took precedent over any writing, and in my youth I satisfied myself believing that I didn’t have anything important to say. Along the way I got beaten up by life, as we all do, and I allowed it to get the better of me. I discovered to my surprise that I believed God hated me the way he created me; gay. As a result I spent all my energies running away from myself and found it impossible to write when I had to deny my own truth. There were times when I tried from places of despair where writing was the only lifeline to cling to. But it remained filled with the fear of who I was and what that might mean in the light of day, so I wrote only enough to gulp air and survive, but never enough to swim freely on my own. And so the little I wrote was still born.
Thankfully, I have survived, even when medical science twice said I would not, to recently celebrating my 60th birthday. My survival experience has become my philosophy of life; a flawed sense of spirituality perhaps, that is based on my God given ability to reason, and where I have doubts, on faith. I am convinced that there is a Creator who is not co-opted by any singular group, and love of the Creator is manifested only in a love of Creation that includes all of its infinite persons and parts. My fears of failures, inadequacies and self-doubts have been nudged aside by an uncompromising belief in the only eternal truth which is love.
Truth is love, and like love has meaning only when it is generously given. I love to write of truth as I come to experience and know it. In this process I am at one with the universe; a co-creator with the gods. Nothing else ever feels as good. That’s why I blog.